Fragrance makes for strange bedfellows. Who would think that there was an axis of odor linking these people…
- little old ladies wearing nuclear florals, capable of taking out an entire bank of elevators in a 1-floor ride
- overcologned rednecks like me, who actually use those copycat cologne machines in truckstop men’s rooms (but only out of curiosity, of course)
- high school boys who think they can outsmart the girls by using a body spray instead of taking a shower
- headshop-owning ex-hippies selling bongs, lava lamps, black lights, incense, and cover scents, aka, aromatherapy
- perfumista blogger chicks and fashionistas who can actually read the French stuff on those fancy bottles
No, my friends – it is not firearms, but fragrances, that are the true barometer of freedom in America. That’s why we must all come to the defense of horny highschoolers who wear absurdly overpriced and overfragranced deodorants. Apparently some of these high school boys are dousing themselves with Axe, instead of hitting the showers, and it’s leading to scent wars in their next classes.
Well, those boys may say that it’s because they’re skipping showers, but as a former horny highschooler who missed out on Axe, but not on Brut, I can tell you that it is every young man’s right to wear too much scent and hope it means he’ll get some. And we all know – especially those of us who lived through the aroma debauchery of the disco era – that “getting some” is as American as apple pie.
Now, some people will tell you that overdone fragrances can lead to negative health consequences for kids with – say – asthma. You know what I say? Asthma, shmathsma! No wonder we’re turning into a nation of wimps. My single buddy with asthma, who’s damn near as old as me, but still a horny teenager at heart, would gladly go to the hospital with an asthma attack if it meant he was going to meet some cute nurses. In fact, if a young lady with too much perfume gave him an asthma attack, and had to drive him to the hospital, why, he’d be in 7th heaven long before he died.
Here’s a quote from that article:
A trade group for toiletry makers, the Personal Care Products Council in Washington, said it doesn’t oppose fragrance policies as long as they’re voluntary.
“We really don’t think it’s a good idea to legislate personal hygiene,” said John Hurson, the group’s head of government affairs.
There you go. Common sense. Maybe those wimps will “get some”, too!