Note added in 2016: I have no idea what this is, except I seem to recall that I was pissed at Maxim for dissing Sarah Jessica Parker. Whatever. Historical records. 😉
Knock-off fragrance house Cooty, in association with Maxim Magazine, today announced the launch of a new fragrance, L’Eau de L’Or de Maxim. Cooty spokesperson Woody O’Chinchin had this statment:
“Cooty is proud to present L’Eau de L’Or de Maxim – a truly manly fragrance, for the true man among men. Like Maxim magazine, L.O. Maxim is definitely not for those limp-wristed Kenneth Cole types who read GQ, or those Euro-trash wannabes who read Cigar Afficionado. Indeed, Cooty and Maxim have gone the extra mile in making sure that L.O. Maxim will appeal only to the right type of man. First, Cooty insisted that L.O. Maxim contains absolutely none of the ingredients found in Sarah Jessica Parker’s trademark scents, Lovely and Covet. Despite the great difficulty of this task, our noted perfumer, Cou-Rouge Cycliste, found the perfect formula, thanks to scent-capture experiments performed in the nearby village of Chenil. Then, after Cou-Rouge found the perfect combination of ingredients, we made it even more perfect. First, we presented the scent to a panel of Maxim readers who had passed our most stringent taste test. Every one of these selected readers found this picture:
…to be completely un-sexy, as verified by a series of sensitive EPG tests. Next, we tested this scent against a variety of household pests, including Solenopsis invicta (fire ant), Dermacentor variabilis (dog tick), and Felis salvestris (Hello Kitty), and it was found to repel each and every one of them at a distance of from 10 to 100 feet. Finally, we gave L.O. Maxim the acid test – teenage boys whose parents won’t let them read Playboy, but who have convinced Grandma that Maxim is a Hollywood trade mag, so she will let them keep their stash in the quilt box by the guest bed in her townhouse. These “young guns” – the cream-de-la-cream of Maxim readers – who can only be aroused by women with perfectly hemispherical breasts and quarter-pipe noses – gave final approval to L.O. Maxim. And now, we present this fragrance to the world.
The warm, inviting aroma of a crushed Snickers bar in a Charlie’s Angels lunchbox. The timeless, rubbery fragrance of old basketballs and new sneakers in a co-ed gym class – third period. The clean, fresh, metallic scent of dental babes in the orthodontist’s office. All of this, and so much more, has been captured in L’Eau de L’Or de Maxim: the golden water of Maxim.”
L’Eau de L’Or de Maxim – available in 12, 16, and now the handy 20-ounce bottle.