Starajuku Lovers: Rose Rebelle / What We Do Is Secret

Rose Rebelle / What We Do Is Secret

Starajuku Lovers?  Chibi, Cheap, and Cute But Not Corporate.

New Fragrances from A Lab On Fire (


“Princess Leia – you must come to the dark side.”

“Oh, Darth.  Really!  I’m already there.”

“But…. Impossible!”

“Have you sniffed me lately?”

“I do not sniff rebel scum.”

“Oh, Darth.  REALLY.  You’re willing to go on our little father-daughter camping trips in the middle of a war.  You’re willing to go with me to Galactic Sniffapalooza.  It’s not much of a stretch to sniff my wrist.”

“There are some things which I must not do.”

“Are you sure?  My new rose and cocoa scent is absolutely divine!  It’s called Rose Rebelle.”

“Outrage!  After my death star is complete, and as we crush the rebellion, I shall personally make sure that all memory of this scent is erased.”

“Even your own?”

“Curse you, rebellious child!”

“There, there.  Just sniff.  You don’t even have to roll your helmet my way.  I’ll just hold my wrist in front of your….. your speakery thingamajig.  There.  Now take a whiff.”

“Hmmmm.  It smells…..”


“YES.  It smells DEEP and DARK.”

“Darker than daddy’s helmet?”

“Yes! I did not realize that cocoa could be so DARK.  It is as if my electronic nose could not see through a black cloud of dark, bitter, Earth chocolate.  So dark that it smells…..  That it smells…..”


“Yes.  It is so bad that it smells……”


“Yes.   Interesting.”

“And that’s good.  Right?”

“Trickery!   Your counterfeit badness has made something good appear as if it is… as if it is from the dark side, when it is not!”

“Do you like it?”

“What kind of a question is that?”

“Oh, come on, Daddy.  You like it, don’t you?”

“I like that it is ALMOST bad.”

“It’s truly the animalic side of cocoa.  Don’t you think?  It’s the animalic side of cocoa meeting with the really dark, hollow aspect of the deepest facets of excellent rose.  A rose that reminds me of the one in Égoïste.  The dark place where they intersect is not quite poopy.  It’s more like crotch sweaty.”

“I should have raised you.  I should have protected you from thoughts like poopy and sweaty.”

“Oh, Daddy!  You don’t need to worry about protecting me.  I’m just a parody.  I’m protected by the first amendment.  Or what’s left of it.”

“Curses.  It may be too late for my own daughter, but I promise that when order is restored to the galaxy, I will remove all poopy notes from chocolate.”

“Oh, Daddy.  You’re cute when you’re angry.  You would do that for me?”

“I will crush the rebellion, and remove all weakling floral notes and degenerate poopy notes.  This, I swear!”

“Well, whatever.  It’s the thought that counts.  Although I do have to warn you.  As this scent dries down, and the rose fades away ever so gently, the animalic aspects weaken and the gourmand aspects take over.  Eventually, it’s a lush, edible chocolate rose with hints of wood.  The kind that rascally, hunky men love to smell on a girl.  And maybe even kiss.”

“Has the traitor Han Solo smelled this?”

“Not yet.  Why?”

“Nothing.  I must accelerate my plans to crush poopy notes.”

“Well, as long as you leave those clean but sexy feminine sweaty notes in this fragrance, I’m sure that Han Solo will be just as much of an arrogant pest as ever.  We hope.”

“Hmmmm.  You like that he is bad.  Don’t you?”

“I like that he is ALMOST bad.”

“And what of my new fragrance?  Do you perceive its quiet strength and irresistible power?”

“By.  The.  Force!  You’re wearing fragrance!”

“Yes.  I have created a secret fragrance that weak minds cannot comprehend.”

“You had a bespoke fragrance created?”

“Yes.  Sort of.”

“Well, don’t make me die of anticipation, already.  What’s it called?”

What We Do Is Secret.”

“THAT is the name of the fragrance?”


“You made a fragrance dedicated to us?”

“Yes.  Well, actually somebody else made it.  And I get most of the money.  But I did sniff some samples.  And eliminated the perfumers who failed me.”

“Wait.  This isn’t a celebrity fragrance, is it?  I don’t think I could take a Darth Vader celebrity fragrance.”

“Never!  This scent was carefully chosen to exude my influence over weak minds, without being perceived as fragrance.”


“Yes.  This fragrance gives people confidence, which is then displaced as confidence in me.”

“So it makes them feel good?”

“Yes.  When people walk into a room smelling of my fragrance, it smells like a good room, where good things have happened.  The fragrance is nearly undetectable as fragrance.  There is citrus, but it does not smell like normal citrus. ”

“I noticed that!  I was wondering why our tent smelled like clean windows.”

“Yes.  This is my new fragrance.  When it is applied to skin, it makes the skin smell good, but not in the sense of a normal fragrance.  It smells clean – as if the surfaces in the room have been cleaned.  It is a man’s fragrance, and yet it does not rely on brutish manly notes like smoke and fire, reminiscent of destroyed rebel planets.  It smells clean, fresh and strong, without relying on old-school manly smells like Endorian timber or wet wookie.”

“You’re right!  You do smell good, Daddy!”

“My secret plan was a success!  Even the powerful mind of my rebellious daughter is moved by my fragrance!  It is truly a mental defense-dropper!”

“So wait.  I don’t get it.  I’M the one wearing the dark side fragrance?  And YOU’RE wearing something that smells good because it smells like GOOD things?”

“Yes.  This is how I am bad.  I am flirting with good.  But not giving in to the temptation to actually BE good.  I smell good.  Like I want to be good.  But not really.”

“Oh, Daddy.”

“Yes.  It is moments like these that I am pleased to be a parent.”



“What do you think of Luke Skywalker?”

“Good.  But…..”

“But what….?”

“Luke Skywalker Sport is much more versatile.  In my opinion.”


For the record, they’re not called Starajuku Lovers.  Furthermore, Princess Leia, Darth Vader, and the Star Wars franchise were not involved in this combination perfume review and satirical commentary about a whole lot of stuff.  But there is a dark side of chocolate and rose, and it’s tempting you.  Go for it.  You may have trouble finding these fragrances right now, but keep tabs on  I have a feeling that more good stuff is gonna be coming from that part of the galaxy.

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