Epic Shave

Forgive me, O Badger-Hair Brush!

Forgive me, O Sacred Badger-Hair Brush!

Anybody who tells you that they never got a good recommendation from a sales associate (SA) in the beauty aisle, is either new to fragrance, the victim of their own selective memory, or a liar.  I get great recommendations all the time.  Honestly, I shrug off most of them.  Far too many of them.  Too self-absorbed in my own little quests, I don’t feel like I have time to take on any new ones.  I’m not much better than the guys who diss the SAs, when you come right down to it.

However – occasionally – I’m receptive when the good advice hits me.  And this time, I’m not just going to admit that I got a good steer – I’m going to pass it along.  This product ROCKS.

What am I talking about?  Jack Black Epic Moisture MP 10 Nourishing Oil.

Say WHAT?

Stop!  Do not run out on me yet.  Let me explain.  Pretend that I’m a sales associate, rubbing this stuff into the back of your hand while you roll your eyes.

I hear you.  You don’t NEED a frigging moisturizer – even though you may have Frankenstein hands like I do.  Sorry – you’re a dude, and moisturizing is not exactly on the agenda.  But wait!  I’m going to say a magic dude word…

Pre-shave oil.

Yes.  This stuff sticks its foot in your door as a pre-shave oil.  Now I will admit that most of us don’t actually NEED a pre-shave oil, even though the serious shave gurus will tell you that you do.  But having been burned (literally) by bergamot-based pre-shave oils, I was on the lookout for a replacement.  Well – here you go.  And THIS one is marvelously unscented.

But that’s not what sold me.

As the sales associate was rattling off the other things this stuff is useful for – facial moisturizer, hair treatment, beard conditioner, and shaving oil, I was feeling this stuff on my hand and marveling at how slick it was.  Earth to Redneck!  I may have missed it when she said it, but feeling the slickness of this stuff on my hand, it was clear as day what the implications were.

“I’ll bet I could use this stuff to shave with!”

I deserved to be kicked in the ass right there, but the kind lady had the graciousness to say “Exactly!”

Well, it turns out that this stuff works every bit as well as I had hoped.  It does EVERYTHING.  It’s a pre-shave oil.  It’s a shaving oil.  And it’s your aftershave lotion and post-shave moisturizer.  Completely unscented – though if you want to apply a scented after-shave of some kind – NO PROBLEM.  But – and this is a very good but – if you are in some kind of a hurry, then you don’t need to do JACK when you’re done shaving.  Wash the blade?  Yeah, you can do that.  But that’s it.  You don’t even need to wipe your damn face if you don’t want to.  Because you’re done.

That’s right.  Put some of this stuff on.  Shave.  Done.

The results are mind-bogglingly good for a 60-second shave.  Sure, I can get closer with my shaving soaps, my sacred badger-hair brush, and a good hot lather.  Shave twice maybe, or use a pre-shave oil before I start.  But those kind of shaves routinely take me 5 minutes or more.  When I’m late for work, there’s not time.  I break out the electric.

But not any more.  THIS stuff is actually faster.  That’s right.  Faster than a quick electric shave.  Faster, closer, and the aftershave is already done, ’cause it went on already.

As I write this, I still marvel at the closeness of my new instant wet shave.  AND the fact that my skin hasn’t been scalped, as it usually is, by my nasty dry-shaving implements, electrified though they may be.

I would tell you what’s in it, but it’s a long list of oddball seed oils and some of the usual cosmetic ingredients.  Suffice it to say that somebody put some thought into this stuff.

It says vegan on the box, but trust me – nobody will know if you’re wearing it to Rally’s or Five Guys Burgers and Fries.  And the veggie sandwich at Five Guys is pretty damn good, too, so you can take your vegan friends and watch their jaws drop as you opine about the virtues of organic moringa seed oil and rice bran oil and how they’ve changed your life.

Easily worth three sawbucks!  Do it!

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Editorial note:  I received negative 32 dollars in exchange for this review.  If you would like to review this product for a similar payment, then please visit your local retailer of Jack Black products.  I happened to get this stuff at Nordstrom.

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